I thought holidays were supposed to be fun
It never fails around this time of year.
Every person I talk to seem to have the same question: “Are you excited for the holidays?”
I’m never exactly sure how to answer. In this current season of life, a holiday or special occasion feels identical to just about any other day of the year.
The day will kick off at 6am sharp when my nurse arrives. Most meals (like turkey) will be eaten in bed, relying on someone else to feed me. I am geographically limited, so I will have to settle for video chat with my grandparents in Florida. I will sit in the background watching Stephanie set up our Christmas tree.
I tend to feel this sense of something missing so much more strongly around the holidays. A feeling of lack. Discontentment. Something seems off.
A time that would consistently stir up excitement and fun as a child now seems to only accentuate what’s missing.
I know I’m not the only one.
For many, that empty spot at the table this year will be a reminder of a lost loved one. Others may be striving for a cordial conversation with their family, or even just wishing to have a family to call their own.
A quick scan of social media could make anyone feel as if they are missing out on the fun. No wonder depression and suicide rates often spike around the holidays.
While celebrating three years of marriage earlier this month (with some amazing fondue), Stephanie and I took inventory of where we are, both in our marriage and in life in general. What’s working for us? What can we improve?
A common theme that arose for both of us? A temptation toward dissatisfaction.
If only we could get out of the house…
If only we could sleep soundly every night…
If only we could move on to more “normal” activities, such as raising kids or getting away for a weekend…
Fixating on what we don’t have only fuels disappointment and frustration. We decided action needed to be taken in order to shift our mindset. The most effective way to do this is by intentionally focusing on gratitude.
So we tried out something simple.
Each evening for the past few weeks we have sent each other a quick email (in order to have a record of it) of three things we are thankful for from the day. It can be something profound or can even be trivial. The point is to focus our attention on what is good rather than wishing for an alternative situation.
Does sending each other a short list of usually fairly routine items from the day fix everything? Not in the immediate sense. However, focusing on three areas to be grateful for each day has the power to shift our attention from what we don’t have to what we do have.
This is precisely where our focus should be- not just around Thanksgiving, but all the time. But as we approach this holiday season, we are finding that focusing on the blessings and gifts God has given is the most effective way to combat dissatisfaction, grief, and longing.
Our circumstances may not yet be ideal, but we can still focus on one key thing: there is always something to be grateful for.
Do you find the holidays hard? What are you thankful for today?
*If you missed last week’s post, I released a mini e-book to commemorate ten years since my accident. Check it out here
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This is wonderful!
You inspire me
You hit this one out of the park as far as I am concerned!! What a great thing to do and think about. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Thanks for reading Julie
Always a fabulous reminder as I felt myself missing my family of origin as the holidays crept closer. God has been great to me and choosing to not hyper-focus on the lack but instead focus on the plenty is a simple shift with generous reward. Thanks!
Laura, good point on this. Definitely easier said than done
Congratulations on your three year anniversary!
If we’re honest holidays often stir up buried feelings of loss and disappointment for many of us. Our coping mechanisms are sometimes compromised by stress and overwhelming expectations.
Thank you for so eloquently putting these feelings into words!
It is an honor and blessing to know you! I’m so proud of you.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
Thanks Linda!
Dear Ryan, I thought about you this week as I was reading a wonderful article by Marshall Segal called Never Be Wise in Your Own Eyes. It is part of Desiring God which I get every
day. (John Piper ministries). The reason I loved it was his list of 3 great issues:
-search for grace in someone else
-know just how little you know
-savor what your weakness accomplishes (which is what made me think of you).
The article is about pride (Three Cries of crucified pride) which I am tuned into right now but it never occurred to me that my weakness would or could accomplish anything; however! that is the very thing that you continually remind me. You bring in to balance all the things that make negative and positive a fundamental basis for wholeness. e.g. light has little value without the concept of darkness. And besides the “weakness of God is stronger than men” 1 Cor 1:25. Praise God! there is a reason for everything. Love and great wishes to you both😍
Thanks for passing this along. You have the link?
This design is steller! You certainly know how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Excellent job. I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!