Not again, I thought.

The red numbers on the clock were not exactly what I was hoping for.

Another night getting woken up by a spasm meant another night restlessly staring at the ceiling for hours on end.

In the middle of the night when I’m tired and uncomfortable it is easy to fall into the trap of questioning: Is anything ever going to change? Is this the rest of my life? Why is God taking so long? Is He even listening?

People often ask me if I’m upset with God about my current situation. I believe all these questions shed light on the fact that we tend to assume that comfort is something God owes us.

If the call on a follower of Jesus is to become more like Him, then I would presume suffering is bound to be part of the equation at some point. Jesus himself experienced betrayal and abandonment by friends and was mocked, tortured and beaten; all culminating in murder on a cross for our sin.

The Bible makes it clear that Jesus learned obedience through the things he suffered. If I want to become more like Jesus, why should I be immune to suffering? In fact, why would I want to be?

Without some discomfort or pain, I may be tempted to think that what I had in this life would be enough to fully satisfy me. Looking back, I notice how hard it was to turn my thoughts to God prior to the accident, when everything seemed to be going smoothly in my life. Suffering shattered my illusion that I was in control and that what I had in this life would be enough to satisfy me. I didn’t realize it at the time, but what I had before my accident was never going to fulfill me in the way that I now realize Jesus does, regardless of my circumstances.

Nothing quite tackles the million-dollar question of “How can suffering and the idea of a loving God coexist?” quite like CS Lewis’ “The Problem of Pain.” One quote to sum up the book:

“We can rest contentedly in our sins and in our stupidities; we can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

Lewis concludes his book by reiterating the opportunity that suffering provides: “Pain provides an opportunity for heroism; the opportunity is seized with surprising frequency.” Even in the midst of my safe bubble as a senior in high school I was drawn to the appeal of this concept, as evidenced in the senior quote I selected:

At the time I may have viewed it as a way to make much ado about myself. However, after being on the other side of things, I realize God turned what looked like a bleak situation into an opportunity to make His name known. I’m thankful to have been along for the ride. This doesn’t mean I want to pursue suffering or that I enjoy it by any means, but at the same time I don’t want to miss out on any opportunity to be molded and shaped into who God has created me to be.

Here’s a video of me tackling this topic at a local church:

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